Awesome time to fly

It seems whenever I have to get into an airplane, some crazy shit happens to freak me out. A week before 9/11, Michelle and I bought airline tickets to visit her parents in North Carolina. Of course, our trip to NC was in Octoper, 2001, but it didn't stop me from bugging out the entire flight.

Now, lo and behold, I am flying to Chicago on Monday for business til Thursday. On Friday, Michelle, Mary and I are traveling to NC for a visit with the in-laws. Did I mention yesterday British forces stopped another terrorist attack on planes intended for the US? I pick the best times to fly. This could get very annoying. Long lines, paranoia, boredom...

Everyone is telling me that it is going to be so safe flying next week with all this commotion going on. That makes me feel so much better. I'd rather stay home, but I don't want to be a wimp.

If shit does go down, I am going to be pissed, but I won't go down without a fight.

Foley...Married???

It's been a while since I blogged. But if there is any reason to, it's this. An old friend called to tell me that he is engaged. Mike Foley.

When I met Foley, he was a punky kid who nobody liked. He was loud, obnoxious and always singing for no good reason. The kid just couldn't be quiet. Over the years, he became kind of like everyones annoying kid brother who you dealt with. I found him funny. I wasn't sure if other people did.

Of course, people got used to him. And loved him. We performed in a show once...it was a segment of the Lion King. I was Timon. Steve was Pumbaa. Foley was Simbaa. This new girl, Angela, who we didn't know too well was Nala. Foley would have to kiss her every night. Steve and I always gave them shit. During a performance, Steve, in character, yelled, "That's Disgusting!"

4 years later, Foley and Angela, are now engaged. I couldn't be happier for them. Friggin Foley?

TV is Kind of Good Again

Do you remember back in the day when there was nothing that would keep you from watching your favorite television show? I loved TV as a kid. I was an addict. I knew what would be on every channel at any time, 7 days a week.
Throughout my 20's I probably watched about 2 hours of television total. I still loved TV, but the shows all sucked. Honestly, was there any good TV on in the 90's (aside from Seinfeld)? I don't think so. And don't give me this FRIENDS crap. Friends wasn't that friggin good. As a matter of fact I found it obnoxious. Lisa Kudrow is not funny. Aniston is over-rated. I enjoyed Chandler's wise ass comments but that was it.

Anyway, television is getting good again. The return of the sitcom has happened. Dramatic television makes you use your brain. I think Reality TV is good in doses. American Idol and Survivor are both cool shows. I can't stand the Bachelor or The Bachelorette, or I want to Marry Your Uncle, or I Want to Sleep with a Cow...Those shows are ridiculous.
Jason Lee and Steve Carell have made Thursdays Must-See TV nights again. Is there a funnier character on TV today than Earl Hickey. Everybody Hates Chris is also a very funny show. Chris Rock is definitely a genius. LOST is absolutely friggin brilliant. It never stops messing with your mind. I can't wait to find out "why" they are on the island. My wife lives for "24" with Kiefer Sutherland.
The common denominator for the emergence of these great shows is the resurrection of brilliant actors. We had not heard from Charlie Sheen in years, now he is getting Emmy and Golden Globe Nominations. Jon Cryer was Ducky..and now he is on the highest rated comedy on TV. Jason Lee went from second fiddle in Almost Famous and Chasing Amy, to showing his comic expertise on "Earl". Kiefer Sutherland was the bad guy in every damn movie he was ever in. Now he defends the President and the well being of us all every week.

Anyways, I'm glad TV is finally good again.

Mary-Year 1

Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday...and I haven't screwed her up yet.
I remember when I was 1, the good old days. Just Kidding.
The year has flown by and I can't believe that I am still a father.
I am so lucky to have a healthy, beautiful daughter.
Someone once said that you learn something new every day. With a child, you learn something new every minute.

Anyways here are the top ten things I've learned since becoming a parent.

1. When it's your kid, it's not called babysitting, it's called parenting.

2. Babies R Us is very fashionable.

3. Bert and Ernie are kind of gay.

4. Don't heat up a bobo with the nipple still on it.

5. Poop can come in a variety of shapes and colors.

6. The wheels on the bus go round and round all through the town.

7. Stage 3 Peas don't look as yummy coming out via projectile vomit.

8. Bedtimes vary depending on moods.

9. Baby + Cookies = Nasty

10. I've learned how lucky I am, because I know so much about Babies R Us, Bert and Ernie, Bobo's, Poop, The Wheels on the Bus, Stage 3 Peas, Projectile Vomit, Bedtimes and Cookies!

Happy Birthday Mary!
Love
Dada

Annoying Sitcom Characters

They make you turn the channel. They make you cringe. If they were real, you would want to kill them. They do not exist in our reality.

I hate cheesy sitcom characters. There are plenty of them. I don't understand them. Anyways...here are my all time top ten most annoying sitcom characters.

1. Mona-Who's The Boss- The oversexed queen of the one liners. My Grandma does not behave this way. Every episode she was having another date or offering sex advice. Slut-Whore!!! Most Grandmas give you ten bucks for your birthday...Mona would probably get you a subscriptiopn to Hustler. Tony Danza did not deserve her. By the way Mona, get your own house and a job.

2. Jonathan Bower- Who's the Boss- By the way, I hated this damn show. Jonathan was the annoying creep who had no life. I wanted to beat the crap out of him. He was recently outed by STAR Magazine. I could have told them that he was gay since 1986. He was upset with Angela during one episode. He muttered, "Great Balls Of Fire, Mom!" Most 11 year olds would say, "Gee, That Sucks!" Who came up with this charcter. He would have received a butt kicking if he went to my high school. He freakin sucks!

3. Natalie- The Facts of Life- One Joke Wonder. We get it Natalie...You're fat. That was her thing. She was fat. Every storyline was about her being obese. Try Atkins!!! Eastland was so fake. There is no way Blair would have hung around with Natalie. They should have had a "very special episode" where Natalie gets stabbed.

4. Jessie Spano- Saved By The Bell- I'm so excited! I'm so scared!!!! Jessie got addicted to caffeine pills. She played the lead in Snow White in the Seven Dorks. She was Student Council President. She wouldn't date guys shorter than her. She sang a song to Slater's dead lizard. If I did that stuff, I would have to kick my own ass.

5. Blossom-Blossom- There is no way any good natured high school boy would ever date Blossom Russo. Why? The beak. Look at that thing. She looked like a damn bird. That show was a load of BS. She dressed like a maniac and people called it hip! Were we all blind? It looked like the Lucky Charms Leprechan threw up on her. No , seriously Blossom, your hat looks cool!

6. Grandma Winslow- Family Matters- Grandma always got a huge laugh whenever she said something "cool." They tried to make her hip but she came across like an idiot. She was just inappropriate. I hated the beginning credits when she was reading Rolling Stone. "I love u2!" No you don't. You are 112 years old!

7. Eric Matthews-Boy Meets World- Is he trying to be funny or is he mentally challenged? I understand that he was the dumb, good looking older brother. He got more idiotic as the years went by. He had a strange relationship with Feeny too! What exactly was going on there? How did he end up going to college? Why did he end up hanging out with his younger brother's friends? If that was me, I would have got my ass kicked.

8. Kimmie Gibbler-Full House- Shut up!!!! You are not freakin funny!!! Everyone in the Tanner household (except DJ) hated her. DJ, you are not cool for hanging out with an annoying girl who dresses like a moron. There should have been an intervention episode where they forbade DJ to hang out with Gibbler. She was a bad influence on all the Tanner girls. She should have gone to a special school.

9. Andy- Family Ties- He's cute...we get it. Throw him a cute line and people will like him...Hell No! "Oh Look (gush), a tiny Alex P. Keaton!" No! There was only one Alex P. Keaton. We don't need another one. A mini-me. He was cute for about 12 seconds. Now he has tatoos and a band. The kid is a walking cliche. I loathe him!

10. Screech and Urkel- Come on. Grow up. As the years went by, they both got higher pitched voices and continued to dress like mental patients. There is only one original. HORSHACK!!! Neither has a career now. I hope they saved some money.

Minor Saved By The Bell Characters

We all know Zack, Slater, Screech, Kelly, Jessie and Lisa. They all went to Bayside High. They were involved in every club and team which that fine high school had to offer. I am, of course, talking about Saved By The Bell.

This epic and ground breaking TV program answered some of our most intriguing questions...
Can I yell time out and have everything stop?
Can I always eat lunch at the same establishment?
Can every song on a juke box have no lyrics?

These shows were groundbreaking, hard hitting and ultimately life saving! Remember Jessie's addiction to caffeine pills. She was so excited...so scared

Okay, I am a geek. I thought SBTB was so cheesy. Cheesy yet awesome. I loved the main characters because they were so stereotypical. The cool guy, the jock, the geek, the cheerleader, the smart girl and the fashion guru. Miraculously (and thankfully) they all got along.

The best part of the show were the secondary characters. Those unsung characters that pushed a majority of the episodes into another realm.

Anyways, here is my top ten list of the Greatest Secondary Characters on Saved By The Bell.

1. Johnny Dakota- The movie star who planned to shoot an anti-drug commercial at Bayside. Unfortunately, Johnny was a pothead. This episode was fantastic. It included an anti-drug rap performed by the Bayside Students. "When it comes to drugs, just say no." Johnny also hooked up with Kelly. He gave Zack a terrible looking purple jacket as well. The one thing I learned from Johnny Dakota was that there was "no hope in dope."

2. Jeff- He stole Kelly away from Zack. However, he cheated on her in the following episode. Pimp!!! He was the Manager of the Max. Not a bad job for a college guy. Kelly was probably turned on by Jeff's position at the Max and thought that dating him would ultimately lead to a promotion. Jeff didn't care that he was committing a crime by dating Ms. Kapowski. He was 19, she was 16. Statutory!!! Shame on you Jeff!

3. Rod Belding- Mr. Belding's hip, younger brother. After promising the gang that he would accompany them on a white water rafting trip, he changed his mind and went out with a stewardess. Who could blame him? Mr. Belding had a fantastic line in this episode, "Get out of my school Rod." Good on ya Mr. B.

4. Homeless Chick in the Christmas Episode- Hysterical! Not that being homeless is funny, but watching this girl act is. She was accused of stealing a Sports Jacket for her homeless Dad. Mr. Moody, owner of Moody's Store for Men, contacted Mall Security only to find out that Kelly had paid for the jacket. Did Kelly switch jobs? Were there no benefits at the Max when Jeff left? Anyway, the homeless girl and father opted to live in the Morris house until they got back on their feet. Of course we never saw them again.

5. Big Pete- Volleyball expert, yes. Actor in school plays, of course. We first saw Big Pete in the "Summer" episodes at the Beach Club. Later, he attended Bayside High. Not only did he have parts in two theatrical productions, (Swan Pond and Snow White and the Seven Dorks) but he was also a member of the Boys Team in the episode where the sexes clash in a battle for a Bayside Money Inheritance. Money for Sports!!!

6. Jessie's Stepmother- When Jessie's father plans to remarry, Ms. Spano suffers ANOTHER traumatic ordeal. Apparently, Jessie thinks her new step-mother is a slut and is only marrying her father for money. Mr. Spano owns a hotel and begins to date her fine ass because she is the hotel's aerobics instructor. I think Jessie's stepmom would have received a nice settlement in a sexual harrassment lawsuit...I'm sure she will clean him out in a future divorce proceeding. The best moment comes when Jessie actually tries to drown her during a swimming race. Issues Spano!

7. Kevin The Robot- In earlier episodes at Bayside, Screech was often accompanied by a smart-ass robot. The best thing about Kevin was that he was programmed to remember Screech's birthday...and forgot. Kevin was also an honorary hall monitor. I just liked Kevin because he wasn't given a crazy futuristic name. Not Gizmo, or Z-123 or Gemini...just Kevin.

8. Mr. Tuttle- Sure, he had his run-ins with Belding, but the guy was one hell of a teacher. Not only did he teach Driver's Ed on a Golf Cart, but he also led Bayside in the Choral competition. (Thanks to Violet, Screech's geeky girlfriend.) Tuttle had no morals. He would also have the students lip-sync during choir performances. He led a teacher strike against Belding. He was also the victorious teacher during the Academic Bowl, even though his protege (Screech) was hospitalized with a severe cold. Belding hosted the Academic Bowl against Valley. There were apparently no other schools beside "Valley" in this California District. (Mr. Tuttle is not to be confused with Leon Carosi of The Beach Club episodes.)

9. Jennifer, The Hot Nurse- Zack, after finally getting Kelly to go steady with him, drops the ball and falls for the new school nurse. After hearing about this, the Nurse, in cohoots with the rest of the gang, double crosses Zack and pretends to have a husband. The made up husband apparently wants to "fight Hulk Hogan for the Belt." Wrestling is fake dummy! Zack loses both the nurse and Kelly in the process. Unfortunately, he continued wearing Converse "Cons" with pegged jeans. Jennifer must have lost her job, because we never saw her again.

10. Wendy, Fat Student Council Member- In a date auction, Zack lands in the very flabby arms of Wendy. A big girl with a big heart. Zack tells Wendy that he doesn't date fat chicks. Wendy tells Zack that she is going to the dance alone because "at least she will be with someone that she trusts." Zack becomes a good guy and dances with her. He even takes her to the Max afterwards for dinner. I hope Zack brought his wallet cause Wendy could probably eat 15 Max Burgers in one sitting.

Poker Pros

I have been playing Poker for the past 3 years. Tournaments and stuff like that. I have played at Foxwwods. It's fun...but boring. My wife does not understand my infatuation. Lately, I have been watching it on T.V., more than playing.

I admire people who have the balls to put ten grand on a line with a 1 in 5000 chance to win 7 million. I don't have the faith in myself as a human to do that. Do you know how many diapers I could buy? I'd have to seek therapy if I lost 10 grand. I've taken some bad beats in 50 dollar tournaments but I couldn't imagine losing so much money on the "river."

The worst beat I ever taken was in a thirty man 20 dollar tourney. First paid about 300 bucks. Not a lot of money, but I am competitive and wanted to win it. There were 8 people left, 6 places pay out.

I am dealt Ace of hearts, and 7 of hearts. I call the big blind with two other players. The flop comes 8 hearts, 6 hearts, 5 hearts. Yes, I flopped the Ace high flush. Unbelieveable. I check, the big blind bets, I come over the top. The other players fold and the big blind calls my raise. I put him on a heart draw which I already had (I also had the straigh flush draw). 2 of clubs on the turn. I check. The other guy bets, I smooth call. The river brings the 2 diamonds. I check. He goes all in. I call. He flips over the 8 clubs and 2 spades. Full house. I am livid. I am eliminated.

I, of course, couldn't sleep for a week after that hand. I couldn't stop thinking about it. That's when I thought, I will never play professionally. I mean that was 20 bucks. Could you imagine if it had been for 10000. I'd have to kill myself.

Anyways, I admire Poker Pros. I like watching certain players. Here is my list of Favorite Poker Pros.

1. Daniel Negranu- He is unbelievable. He lays down straights when someone has a flush. He slow plays Aces better than anyone in the world. The guy is also hysterical at the table. He pushes buttons not in a mean way but playfully. He plays flawlessly at final tables. WSOP Player of the Year in 2004. All time money winner on the World Poker Tour.

2. Phil Ivey- He shows no emotion when he wins. He shows no emotion when he loses. The guy is a statue. He tends to have bad luck at final tables but has balls to go all in with a crappy pair like 5's or 6's. There is a great story going around where he had to win a 500,000 dollar tournament to break even after losing 500,000 betting on which card would come out next. Balls!

3. Greg Raymer- A nice guy who defied the odds. Won the WSOP in 2004 against 2500. Then he placed 25th in 2005 against 5700. Unreal. That's like winning the lottery two years in a row. He gets lucky in coin flip situations, but has the gonads to call Ace-King with pocket 4's.

4. Mike Matusow-The Mouth is freaking entertaining. After getting eliminated in WSOP 2004. He started to cry. He cried on ESPN. He came in 76th place. He won 30,000 grand and started crying. He made an unbelievable run in 2005, placing 9th in the Main Event(paying him 1 million). He ultimately won the Tournament of Champions for 1 million. Not a bad year. 2 million bucks. I wouldn't want to be at a final table with him. He'd probably make fun of me.

5. Dutch Boyd-He's a weird dude. I like his poker profile on ESPN. He graduated from Princeton at the age of like 14. You can tell he is kind of crazy. I love the way he said, "I'm gonna have to make some desperation calls." He is also cool because he started a "Poker Gang". "The Crew!" So gay!!!

6. Dan Harrington- You don't see too much of him on TV. Only during the WSOP. He is just a solid player. People are afraid to play against him. If he bets on a hand, most people fold. He had a classic bluff with a 6-2 offsuit at the final table of the main event causing Raymer to fold his Ace-2 Suited. He is arguablly the best WSOP player ever, with a win, a 3rd and a 4th. (The latter two happening in consecutive years against the biggest field in World Series history.) He also wears an ugly green Red Sox hat.

7. Sam Farha- He is a pimp. 2nd in the Main event in 2003. He busted Goldie Hawn's son on the first hand of the Main Event in 2005. He dresses cool and doesn't smoke but always holds a cigarette. Ironic, Don't you think?

8. Mike McDermott- Alright, he is not real. The movie Rounders was awesome. He has a friend named Worm, and lost all his money to KGB. He then got his money back from KGB. He broke up with a hot chick and hustled tourists out of their money. That is one life lived, my friends.

9. Todd Brunson- Doyle's son. he won a bracelet this year and was 2nd to Chan in the Poker Superstars Invitational, but the thing I like most about him is his ponytail. I will repeat that...he has a ponytail. Yes, a ponytail.

10. Gus Hansen-He plays 7-2 offsuit like they were Aces. He plays almost every hand ever dealt to him. Nobody ever knows what he is playing. he mixes up his game nicely. He would move higher on this list if he had a ponytail.

It's fun watching the poker professionals play. They have guts man.